Live in the Present

Lately I constantly agonize over my future. I have no idea what I want to do. Sometimes I think doing something would be nice or fun, but a person needs to eat, right? I'm not sure if I should just say "Screw it!" and just do what feels right/fun, if I should compromise, or if I should just suck it up and do something I'm not really interested (which includes many many things...). The more I think about it, the more I feel like I should just say screw it... Trying to compromise or force myself to do something that is "right" or "prestigious" just ends up in me regretting my decision... Speaking of regret, I also can't forget mistakes I've made in the past... I wonder if I had just made a different choice, that my life would be so much better. I imagine how happy I would have been, how easier things would be, how much better I would be as a person if things had been different... But I can't fix my mistakes now. That ship has sailed... Constantly thinking about the future leads to anxiety. I can't predict the future and the outcomes of my decisions (for the most part). Focusing on the past leads to depression like symptoms. So effectively, I've created anxiety and depression for myself because I'm unable to focus on the present, what I can do now. That's why I'm leaning towards not caring about reason and just doing what makes me happy, even if it feels selfish and irresponsible. I've tried being responsible and doing what's expected of me, and that just put me in the mess I'm in now. At least if I'm the one making the mistakes, I have no one to blame and I can learn something. If I allow myself to be pressured into things, I end up blaming others and learning nothing. Maybe not always, but I think if you go at something you want full force, you might just end up getting it. I think it's because people are easily discouraged. I am easily discouraged. I hate the feeling of being a failure. But think about it; no one likes that feeling. Maybe life isn't about being naturally good at things or getting stuff right all the time (like school makes things seem). Maybe it's just about perseverance? Constantly growing and improving will allow you to surpass those who become comfortable with their success. Have an idea of the direction you'd like to go and set goals for yourself. Keep setting goals higher as you keep improving. Maybe success and improvement is not linear, but some weird, bumpy road with ups and downs that gradually improves...